I like having control. I’ve never been a “go with the flow” type of person. Don’t get me wrong, my room organization skills are not on point (#DisasterArea), but I like for my life to be planned out and organized. I like knowing exactly what is going to happen, when it will happen, and what to expect when it does happen. Too bad life doesn’t work like that right?
As I grow and mature in my walk with the Lord, He is teaching me new things. Which by the way, I think is really cool. The fact that the Creator of the universe takes time to help me work out my problems and grow and mature me, is quite an incredible thing. He must love His children a whole lot 🙂
Over the past year, I have ventured out of my comfort zone (another thing I don’t like doing) and have begun a journey as an adult trying to figure out where the Lord wants me working for Him. A year ago, things were quite different. I had not yet started my ministry and I was in yet another waiting period to see where the Lord was preparing me to go next.
As I mentioned before, I enjoy being in charge and in control and I don’t like waiting on other people. I will literally show up to a movie 30 minutes in advance just so I don’t have to wait in line. Being patient is hard for me which tells me God has a great sense of humor considering my entire ministry is based on patience.
But more seriously, I’ve had to learn to give God the reins to my life. He’s been growing me in patience and in trust. I’ve learned that following the Lord’s plan isn’t always such that He gives you a vision and then suddenly, you have your entire life planned out. Although sometimes it happens like that, most of the time it doesn’t. For me, I know there are things the Lord has put on my heart that I am passionate about, but there are still a lot of missing pieces I am waiting on God to fill me in on. Hence the learning to be patient and have trust in His timing.
Sometimes I get really frustrated. I will get opportunities that seem really great and then it doesn’t work out. I remember there was one guy in particular I really thought I had a future with, or that he could have been the person I wanted to marry. God closed that door and I was honestly really upset and frustrated with God.
I’m like, “God, that was everything I thought I could want and now I don’t have it. Why did I have to go through that just to have you close that door?” Goodness, I hated that experience. I hated seeing something that I really wanted, go away. It still frustrates me sometimes just thinking about it.
I still don’t have all the answers as to why it didn’t work out or why God closed that door, but I’m having to learn that the Lord doesn’t owe me answers. It is always nice when He gives them to us, but sometimes I think He stays silent because He is teaching us to trust.
Like for example, I remember when I was a kid (sometimes even now) me and my family would be in an unfamiliar place or like a really crowded mall and my dad would tell me, “Bailey, if I say to come here don’t ask questions, just do it. We aren’t familiar with this place and I don’t want anything to happen to you. I can see potential danger, where you can’t.” So, if my dad called out to me to come back to him, I would, no questions asked.
He wasn’t being mean or unkind in not giving me the play by play of why he was asking me to do something, he just expected me to trust his judgement . I think that’s what it’s like with the Lord. I used to expect a reason for everything God did but now I am beginning to understand.
He doesn’t need to give us the play by play because He’s our Father. One of the key pieces of a healthy relationship is trust. I don’t ask my dad “why why why” after every decision he makes because I trust him and his judgment and that’s what I am learning to do with the Lord.
If I want to truly grow in my relationship with God I can’t be constantly questioning him or why He does certain things. If I do that then I don’t really trust the person I call my Savior therefore He’s not really my “Savior”.
Losing control of my life and giving the reins to the Lord has been a hard thing for me to do. I like asking questions and knowing everything but in this case, I’m learning to walk in a certain direction because of faith in Him, not knowledge of what is going to happen. He is teaching me to listen and obey, not listen, ask questions, then decide if I want to obey. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5 (NLT)
I’m nowhere near perfecting the art of faith and trust, but I am working to get there. Each day He’s teaching me to be patient and wait until He gives me a new assignment which is all in His grand and wonderful plan. I want to encourage you learn to trust the Lord and His judgement instead of asking questions. Maybe “Losing Control” is not necessarily the point here; “Giving Control” more aptly describes actively allowing God to direct our way. Losing control isn’t always a good thing, but when it comes to the Lord, it’s a great thing.
(c) Bailey Kennon and I’ll Wait Blog, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and link may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bailey Kennon and I’ll Wait Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.